Social Anxiety

You’re at a party that you didn’t want to go to in the first place, but you got talked into it.  You walk in the room and immediately feel like everyone is watching and judging you.  You start to feel extremely self-conscious and think things like, “I don’t know what to say to anyone.  Why did I wear this shirt?  I’m starting to sweat and everyone can tell.  People are talking about me. Why did I come here?!?”

What is Social Anxiety?

The Social Anxiety Association defines social anxiety as: “The fear of social situations and the interaction with other people that can automatically bring on feelings of self-consciousness, judgment, evaluation, and criticism. Put another way, social anxiety is the fear and anxiety of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people, leading to feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, humiliation, and depression.” Individuals who suffer from social anxiety often experience severe emotional distress in the following situations:

• Being teased or criticized

• Being the center of attention

• Being watched while doing something

• Meeting people in authority (“important people”)

• Most social encounters, particularly with strangers

• Making “small talk” at parties

• Going around the room in a circle and having to say something

What can I do to get over my social anxiety?

• Work with your mind.  Remind yourself that all eyes and attention are not on you.  For more information on working with your mind, click here.
• Open up to a trusted friend or family member about your social anxiety and talk about it.  I often find that people with social anxiety keep it a secret because they feel ashamed.
• Engage in social situations such as parties with a supportive friend or two that will agree to stay by your side.
• Take slow, deep breaths to calm yourself down.
• Try positive visualization.  When you know you will be going to a social event or having a conversation with an important person, take time before to visualize yourself in the situation feeling calm.  Think about what you might say and practice saying it out loud.
• Focus your attention on what the other person is saying instead of your anxious thoughts.
• Remember that people love to talk about themselves.  If you don’t know what to say, ask the other person a question.

What if my social anxiety is so bad I can’t get myself to attend any social events or even go to the grocery store?

Social anxiety can be very debilitating.  Try not to be too hard on yourself.  If you are stuck, consider seeking individual therapy or a social anxiety group.  There is support and relief for you.  You don’t have to struggle with this for the rest of your life.