Reclaiming Confidence After Trauma

Healing Trauma

What is Trauma?

Trauma is any experience that overwhelms our normal coping mechanisms.  Some examples of trauma include: parental abuse, parental neglect, emotional abuse, bullying, domestic violence, addiction, war, rape, incest, personal injury, and loss.  This of course is not a complete list.  Because we all have different coping mechanisms, there is a subjective quality to trauma.

Trauma Can Be Multigenerational:

Multigenerational trauma, sometimes referred to as intergenerational trauma, is trauma experienced in one generation that is passed down to subsequent generations.  For example, a girl that is abused grows up and marries someone that abuses her and her children.  This happens when trauma is not healed.

 How Does Trauma Impact Confidence?

Trauma and shame are intimately connected.  There is no emotion more debilitating than shame.  Shame is caused by devaluation.  When someone experiences a trauma, they often feel devalued.  Kenneth Hardy, author of Teens Who Hurt, defines devaluation as, “The essentials of one’s humanity have been assaulted.”  It is hard to engage the world in a confident manner when we feel devalued.  How can we value ourselves when we have received the message that we are of no value?  This is the work of healing trauma and moving towards confidence.

Rage

“Rage is the hidden wound of trauma.” ~ Dr. Kenneth Hardy

All too often those that experience trauma are told that they need to “calm down,” and sometimes, as is often the case with children, they are silenced by fear. Rage is a natural reaction to trauma and to being silenced.  Rage is a natural reaction to having one’s humanity assaulted.

Can Trauma Be Healed? How Can I Feel Confident Again?

The healing process is going to differ for each individual.  However, over the years I have found the following things to be helpful in resolving trauma and helping people get back to confident living:

• Creating a nurturing, loving, non-judgmental space to talk about what happened.  When we talk about it, we diminish the shame around it.  Secrecy and shame go hand in hand.
• Involving others.  Because we all have relationships, involving other people in therapy can be very useful.    Relationships can be powerful tools for helping to heal trauma, or they can make it worse. Sometimes loved ones need help understanding the impact of trauma.
•   Finding an appropriate outlet for rage. When channeled, rage can be an incredibly strong motivator and can lead to advocacy and promote healing.  Distinguishing between rage and anger is helpful.  Dr. Hardy says, “Rage is about what happened to you.  Anger is about what’s in you.”
• EMDR.  EMDR stands for Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and is a type of therapy that has been clinically proven to help trauma survivors.

Not Suffering In Silence:

If your life has been impacted by trauma, please know there is hope and help for you.  The first step of breaking the silence can be the most difficult one.  Talk to someone you trust about what happened to you, no matter when it happened. There is no timeline for healing.  You can lead a full, confident life again!