Blog
Insomnia
Generally I am a sound sleeper. I found myself the other night, however, wide-awake, and I could not go back to sleep. I started to get frustrated- thinking of the day to come, how much I had to do, and how tired I was going to be if I didn’t fall back asleep. This of course, was not helpful. It was, however, an interesting time to observe my mind. Lying in bed at 4:00am there was nothing else to do. I was struck by how my mind’s tendency to jump to the future (the next day and how I would feel) was creating stress and anxiety...
read moreForgiveness
Jane’s Story: I was recently talking to a client of mine, Jane, (not her real name) who had gone to visit her father. They had been estranged on and off over the past 25 years, beginning when he had moved out and stopped talking to her when she was 13. “I thought I had forgiven him,” she said. “I thought I had moved on from all the anger, grief, and feelings of abandonment.” In reality, however, the visit had brought up all of those old feelings with a vengeance, resulting in a huge fight with her partner, and...
read moreSelf-Fulfilling Prophecy
A Class Divided In 1968, Jane Elliot, a 3rd grade teacher in Iowa, conducted an experiment in her classroom to teach her students about racism. She divided the class into 2 groups- those with blue eyes and those with brown eyes. On the first day of the experiment, the blue-eyed children were told they were better than the brown-eyed children. They got special privileges such as extra time at recess and permission to use the drinking fountain. In addition, they were praised all day long and told how smart they were. The brown eyed...
read moreComplex Inferiority
The Wisdom of Eleanor “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt I recently was talking to a client about a situation she is dealing with at work. She described it like this: “My boss is so condescending and talks down to me. She treats me like I’m stupid and I get so angry! Then I get really afraid that I’m going to make a mistake or do something wrong, and it will just confirm her beliefs about me. If I let the fear pick up momentum, I then worry that I’ll get fired,...
read moreBut, I’m Right!
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” ~ Rumi “Being right is highly overrated. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” ~ Author Unknown Recently I had a disagreement with a friend of mine who hadn’t responded to my email about getting together. My feelings were hurt, and I decided to talk to her about it. I felt the facts were clear- I had the email correspondence, including the last email that she had not replied to, still in my in box- a paper trail of...
read moreBody Confidence
A few days ago, Ralph Lauren released an advertisement with model Fillipa Hamiltion that had been digitally altered, resulting in a freakishly thin Fillipa. Ralph Lauren did publicly apologize and take responsibility for the ad, however, it doesn’t change the fact that the company thought that the photo of an emaciated woman would be considered attractive. Dove recently started a “campaign for real beauty” and created a short video called “Evolution” which shows how professional makeup, hair, and a computer...
read moreCommunication Gridlock
Communication Gridlock Here is an excerpt of a typical argument between Ted and Jennie: (Names have been changed). “We have some version of the same argument over and over,” Ted said. “She nags me and then says I don’t listen. What she doesn’t seem to get is her nagging makes me not want to listen!” Jennie responded, “I only nag because you don’t listen! You are worse than the kids. You constantly forget important dates and I can’t rely on you to do what you say you’re going to...
read moreInviting the Demons
Milarepa was a Tibetan saint. The story goes that he was peacefully meditating in his cave when the demons of greed, fear, and anger appeared. They were terrifying. The flesh hung from their bones, and they smelled foul. They held bloody knives and swords. Milarepa looked up and said, “Ah, I’ve been expecting you. Come sit by my fire, have tea.” They said, “Aren’t you afraid of us?” He said, “No. Your hideous appearance only reminds me to be aware and have mercy. Come sit by my fire and have...
read moreThe Joshua Bell Experience
A remarkable story was published in the Washington Post that was written by Gene Weingarten entitled, “Pearls Before Breakfast.” The gist of the article is this: One of the finest classical musicians in the world, Joshua Bell, plays his violin (which by the way is worth 3.5 million dollars) in the DC subway to commuters on their way to work, and hardly anyone notices. He plays some of the most difficult and beautiful pieces that can be played by a solo violinist, and earns about $32 in tips. Two days before his performance in the...
read moreDo You Create Rules to Maintain Low Self-Esteem?
Rules to Maintain Low-Self Esteem Rule #1: Be perfect. Under no circumstances are you allowed to make a mistake. Rule #2: Always please others. Even when you are stretched to the limit, say yes to that extra task, appointment, or commitment. Rule #3: Focus on your flaws. After all, that is the only way self-improvement will happen, right? Don’t focus on your accomplishments- that is egotistical and selfish, and besides, you got lucky. Rule #4: Ignore your own boundaries and needs. Allow other people take advantage of you, feel angry...
read moreRecent Blog Posts
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Letting Go of the Past: A Prerequisite for Being In the Present
Recently, I watched the movie Up with my family, which I hadn't seen in years. Despite it being heart warming, humorous (squirrel!), and entertaining,… Read more… -
How To Have A Connecting Conversation: Step by Step
If you are having trouble connecting with people during the Covid-19 pandemic you are not alone. This article gives step by step instructions for how to have a connecting conversation.
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Managing Anxiety During the Covid-19 Pandemic
4 strategies for managing anxiety during the covid-19 pandemic. Read more…
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Mystical States and Healing: What Psychotherapy Can Learn from Psychedelic-Assisted Psychotherapy
What they did yesterday afternoon ~ by Warsan Shire they set my aunts house on fire i cried the way women on… Read more… -
The Non-Violent Communication (NVC) Mindfulness Connection
How NVC (Non-Violent Communication) and mindfulness practice are inter-connected. Read more…
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Touch and Go: Meditation for Pain
When my horse got to the highway side of the fence, I started to panic. I used a meditation technique called "Touch and Go" to work with my experience as it unfolded. Read more…
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Losing Aby: Grief and Stillness
My experience of losing my dog, Aby, of feeling grief, and trying to explain death to my six year old son. Read more… -
How To Raise Non-Judgmental Children
We all want our children to treat others with kindness and respect. Teaching and modeling non-judgment is a key component to this! Read more… -
Blame and the Empty Boat Practice
After watching a dog kill a cat, I was forced to look at how I over-rode my own intuition and to explore the concept of blame with the help of the Zen metaphor of the empty boat. Read more… -
3 Mindfulness Activities You Can Do With Your Child Today
“Mindfulness means paying attention, in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.” ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn Mindfulness.… Read more…